Is Assisted Living the Right Choice for Your Parent?

Are You Feeling Sandwiched?

The term “sandwich generation” typically refers to adult children stuck between caring for both their children and their aging parents. But even for those without children, or for whom their children are grown and on their own, they may still feel caught between dealing with the increasing needs of aging parents and juggling other responsibilities, like a job.  

If this is a reality that you are facing, you aren’t alone. The stresses of supporting parents financially, physically and emotionally can be overwhelming in the best of situations. In the worst, they may not be sustainable. Luckily, resources are available that can support an aging parent as well as their adult children.  

If you find yourself in a situation where you want to explore the options to address the increasing care needs of an aging parent, you should investigate assisted living. You may see things such as untouched bills, or medication that is untaken. Your parent may seem more forgetful, or you may notice food preparation has become difficult for them. Whatever the challenge, you know that help is needed. 

What Is Assisted Living? 

Assisted living is a form of residential living with staff members who help residents with activities of daily living, like bathing, dressing and taking medications. Residents have their own rooms, while shared resources like dining rooms and activity areas are available for resident use throughout the day.  

The primary thing that sets assisted living apart from independent living is that 24-hour assistance is on-site in the form of caregivers or nurses, as a resident may require immediate help due to the status of their health. If a person is currently unable—either physically or cognitively—to navigate the daily tasks required to function successfully and safely, then assisted living can be a good match.  

How To Talk To Your Parent 

Assisted living is a broad topic to tackle with a parent, so following some tips can be helpful. Before beginning, plan to take a breath and approach the task acknowledging that the emotions on both sides should not be ignored. This is one of the times in life that a serious conversation may be necessary, and it can be manageable. 

Prepare.

This is likely a conversation that you haven’t had before. You may have been thinking about it for a while because you’ve noticed some changes when visiting your parent. They likely are unaware or in denial about the changes. Be sure to prepare them and set up a time for the discussion so they are not blindsided. And be sure to give yourself some time to practice what points you want to make, and to identify what your goals are for the conversation. Be reasonable with your goals and know that this is a process that may take multiple conversations to get to a suitable solution that works for both you and your parent.  

Ask questions. 

It’s better to ask questions than to assume. Asking your parents how they feel about their health or finances, rather than assuming, will keep the dialog open and lead to resolution much faster than telling them what to do. No parent wants to burden their children, and some view health and financial information as confidential, fearing a child’s reaction.  

Use active listening.  

Instead of focusing on your own words, focus on hearing what your parent has to say. Ensure you’re truly engaged by using non-verbal cues such as eye contact and posture mirroring. If they are sitting, join them. Don’t stand looking down on them. Put your mobile phone away. Give them your undivided attention so you can truly tune in to what they are saying.  

Don’t rush to judgment.  

Don’t be quick to assume or judge your feelings and reactions, or those of your parent. Often, bringing up tough topics leads to unfiltered reactions, which can make a person defensive. It’s better to keep calm and be open to what the other side is saying so as to not create a battle of wills. 

Work together to find a solution.  

Even with the best intentions for having a meaningful, productive conversation with your parent, it may not always lead to an agreement. It’s a good idea at the outset to acknowledge that the goal is to find a solution that works for all, but that in the end you might have to agree to disagree. Take a break and find a time for the next conversation. Keep the lines of communication open. Have your parents take an active role in the decision. It doesn’t work to bribe them or threaten them. At the end of the day, what works is open, honest discussion and compromise by both parties. 

How to Manage Your Role Transition 

Once you decide that assisted living is the appropriate choice for your parent, this change affects more than just your parent’s lifestyle and care. It also affects you. Moving your parent to assisted living can make it seem like your role is now on the outside looking in. This can be a difficult transition, made even more so because so many emotions are tugging at you. 

It helps to see the decision to see your new role through a new prism: You are now part of a team of caregivers. The good news is it is not all on you anymore. You still have a role to play, and you can redefine what you want that to look like. You can return to being the loving child you want to be and continue to provide help and support only in areas with which you are comfortable. Your parent can return to their original role: they can be your parent again instead of your patient.   

Give the New Living Situation Time. 

It’s normal for both adult children and the parents to have some trepidation about their move to assisted living. New residents and their families eventually recognize the reasons they made a move were well-founded. Their loved one is safe, well-cared for and may be more active and engaged.  

Typically, within a few weeks to a few months, most new residents have adjusted well. It is not important that they meet everyone or do everything in the first days or weeks, but over time increased engagement is a sign to both of you that you did the right thing. This means you can begin to relax as you adjust to your new reality, too.  

Let Us Help! 

If concerns about a family member are starting to be a worry, then it’s time to start a conversation about the options available for them based on their needs. When you are ready, call us at 914-739-4404. We’re here to show you how assisted living at Springvale Inn can be the option that works for you and your parent.  

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